I wish you would read this

Right now, I want to dedicate this space in my blog to you. I wish you would read it and realise, how stupidly I've fallen, but I've still fallen.
I'm not going to grab you and say I need you but at the same time I wish we could talk all day, everyday until our sorry little hearts couldn't gamble one more minute of sleep. Then we'd both fall. I at least wish I could get closer to you without creating some freaky, delusional paradise that makes us both uncomfortable. See it's impecable that you might be the first person I fall for, but you've touched my heart in some ways and it's an expression I wish I could tell you about. But I don't want to look like a fool, I'm scared you'll hate me which is stupid because we're friends.
At the same time I don't want this blog to be anonymous but I don't want to frighten you off. It's not killing me to keep it in and I wish I could have told you from the moment I first felt it (ages ago), but I couldn't because I had a boyfriend. Now, hearing your voice makes me smile somewhat inside. That makes me happy.
You wouldn't be seen dead with someone like me and I feel I'd get in the way so much. But then again I'm paranoid about that from my last relationship. I don't want to be seen like a player or a whore because generally I just fell and you can't argue with heart's thoughts.
You see I have felt myself become so captured in my previous relationship and now I'm scared changing will make everyone, and you, hate me. It's cool if we are never together, and it's ok if I never tell you who this is about, the thing that kills me inside is that one day we won't be friends and one day I will lose you. I'm already petrified as it is to talk to you, in case you'll dismiss me or find me annoying.
The other problem I have is that people are seeing me as an only option and I don't want to be that, I wish to be someone that one person see's his heart in and goes for it. I would be that person, I've already proved that I can be that person. I am a pretty good girlfriend, I'd be that for you.
Coldplay is playing to give me inspiration to write this for you. If this is the only thing I do, know this is the sweetest way of telling you. Even if you never felt the same way about me before, even though I've had my suspiscions, it was nice to fall for someone like you. And your eyes are one of the most amazing things about you, along with your smile. I really want to get to know your personality.
I could insert some cheesy love/crush song but who needs that? I can't make myself the promise I'll get you, although I wish I would. So if I want to get close to you, I guess you'll know why.
I don't get bored easily, I just want to get everything right this time and not let someone take over me like they did. I wouldn't feel like my life was so controlled because I'd finally be able to be myself around someone.
I would love every insecurity you had and I'd hold you on every fear you encountered. I would give you space and I wouldn't restrict your thoughts. I'm delving too deep but, this is how I feel.
I know you can see the hurt inside me, because you have told me. Even if I could get one cuddle, it would be so rich, I would cherish it for a long time.
But I'm being idiotic because I know you won't read it, I know there is only so much I can do in person without chickening out. Sometimes I literally shake with nerves, but I keep myself calm and collected just to be able to talk to you.
I just love the way you look at me and smile, even if it's unintentional. You made me fall, I can only thank you for that.